So, it’s almost 3 years since my Traumatic Brain Injury. My family is all going up to Whistler, and I am staying in Salt Lake City to go to school. I will be living in my own apartment, without my family on my 3rd year anniversary. Honestly I’m kinda scared. There’s so much I still don’t know: What kinda job, career, life, husband…. Sometimes I overthink everything in life and I always want an answer. But you know what I have realized?
For the First Time in my Life, I am ok Not Knowing
For the first time in my life, today, I have really come to terms and grasped I don’t know my life and it is ok. There are many possibilities and no one knows where I am going to go and that’s ok. Before my injury I thought I knew how my life was going to go, and after my injury I stay awake many nights worrying about not knowing what will happen with my life. Here's some champters I could write:
Go to New Zealand and become the head of marketing for a mountain my husband creates.
Go to NYC and get a corporate job in public relations.
Become a mom is Park City.
Become an author of a best selling book that turns into a movie.
Become a paid Motivational Speaker, announcer, and run a talk show on the side.
Become the CEO of a Non-profit that saves millions of lives.
I might do an idea I haven’t even thought of yet, I might do every idea I just listed.
My Family is not Me
And here’s the thing, my family is not me. Their mistakes are not my mistakes. I will make mistakes in life, sure, but they will be my own mistakes. If I get a corporate job in NYC I will not be my dad. If I start a mountain with my husband I will not be my grandmother. If I become a mom I will not be my mother. The mistakes I make will be all my own.
Fall in Love
If I make a decision, I stick to it. I decided in France to not worry about financies, I don't. So here is my decision now, don't worry about falling in love.
If I marry a best friend, that's fine. If I fall in love within knowing a guy a month, that's fine. If I fall in love with a guy whose a billionaire, that's fine. If I fall in love with a guy who grew up on a farm, that's fine.
One of the biggest fears of my life is falling in love. I am still terrified of falling in love, but that's fine. Whatever happens in life and love will happen, but it will be good.
What I Wanted and Who I Was
Two weeks before my accident I was in England visiting friends. Three weeks before my accident I was In Paris after a French ski competition. Eight years before my accident I was a ski racer who had never been in a freestyle competition and lived in New Hampshire. 12 years before my accident I was a gymnast in Connecticut. 1 minute before my accident I thought I was going to win the Olympics some day.
My life has always changed and been unpredictable.
What I do Know
So let's look at some charectoristics that have always been me.
Some things I do know. I have ALWAYS had wonderful friends. I talk. A lot. I have always been good at negotiating and marketing. I am ambitious. I always figure out how to get what I want. I have always been optimistic. I have always wanted to have adventures and learn about and help different people.
My whole life I have been lucky, and I will continue to be a great motivational communicator.
The Rest is Still Unwritten
I don’t know how exactly my life will turn out. I don’t know who I will marry. I don’t know where I will live. I know what I will do for a living. But I do know, I will be content.
I will alwaus be silly and have wonderful friends. I will always talk a lot, sometimes too much. I will ski. I will always go on adventures. I will always decide to do unpredictable stupid things like try to go backwards and upside down on chair 69. I will always listen when people save me from myself. I will always believe in pink. I will always love kissing boys. I will always believe you can create miracles, and l will always be content with life.
I will be adding chapters to the story of my life every day, and I will be content with my story when the novel is finished.
I am ok with not knowing, and excited to be on this crazy ride called life.